as told by...ginger?

It’s been awhile since I’ve meet anyone who I thought I’d wanted to devote all of my time, respect and my self for, I havnt been searching at all to be honest, but about a month ago I made a new Facebook and I’m not sure who added who, but I became friends with this girl Victoria. Now at the time I didn’t think much of it but something just told me that there was something about her and I should get to know her, so being like a creepy weirdo I poked her. I’m always a little shy I shoulda just chatted her first but eventually we started to chat and we planned to hangout a week after that. I had no idea how this hangout was gonna go, but once I meet up with her and saw her, feelings I havnt felt in I don’t know how long came rushing into me, her smile, her laugh, her personality, just the way she was around me made me fall for her right than and there. There was one point where she got stuck on a thing of rocks and I had to pick her up and carry her off, and the moment she grabbed on to me, I in all honesty didn’t want to let go. She’s so beautiful inside and out, her sense of humor is so funny, and the more we have talked, the more and more I realized, the girl I’ve been waiting for, the one girl who I can put all my trust into, is her. That and she can rock my hat, no doubt about that. We’re talking alot now and I’m so happy for that, we’ve both opened up to each other, got to know each other more and more as each day goes by, and babe, I hope there alot more days to come

You ever just lay on your bed, and begin to wounder, just start to wounder about everything? because honestly it feels like that’s all i have been doing lately. When i start to look up at my ceiling as i just gaze around my room, the thoughts in my head express them selves inside of me more than they ever have before. But not in a bad way or anything that can be considered worrisome, but in a way in which that everything that has happened to me in the past, or the present, is manifested in my thoughts that i have yet to express freely or openly. Every second in my life, and life in general is a gift that is given too you, and sure it is a gift, but all gifts need to be eventually unwrapped too understand what it fully is.

Most people often ask me for help, or for guidance for there situations they are dealing with, i cant even remember the last day i don’t remember hearing someone vent or ask me for help, but with life, nothing is ever perfect, and too begin to understand the meaning of your life, and mine, we must come to a self-comprehension of not just our imperfections that we must deal with on a daily basis, but with our selves as a whole as well.  

For my self, i know i am no where near being fully understanding in everything that has happened too me in my life, there are moments and obstacles that have occurred that even though they have past, they are as vivid in my head as ever. And i am glad to say that i have expressed my full feelings on some of them and have forgiven and forgotten about certain past issues that was once a issue with me, but not everything can be forgotten, because if so, we would never learn from our mistakes. Even if something that has transpired isn’t your fault or your wrong doing, you can never put all the blame on one person or thing, because if it deals with you, that means no matter what, you are, even if you meant no wrong doing, are always responsible for what happens. 

This is were i believe the biggest challenge in life exists. Anything that happens to you, no matter how devastating or challenging, can always be overcome with the power of your own mental and physical being. You are the key to your own success, and no one can hinder your capabilities in living life and taking the path you want to take, because you are the only one who can figure out what exactly that certain path in life is. 

To put everything in perspective, though life may be hard, and even when you have your ups and your downs, just know three things. Too overcome and conquer any situation or problem in life, all you need too do is become one with your self, come too an understanding on how things got the way they were, and just know that the one person that can fix it, is the person that steps into and fills in the shoes you wear when you wake up everyday. 

i finally re-reached my top weight of 150 pounds when i weighed in at the gym today!! after like 4 months of being attached to girls, i smartly took a break and went to the gym, and at the time i weighed 140(around 3 weeks ago) which means i lost 10 pounds of muscle. but ive been going non-stop for the past 2 weeks, and ive been lifting more than i ever had, every machine im doing over 100 pounds of weights, and im prob going for around 2 hours a day, and i feel amazing, even my friends are saying im getting bigger, and i plan on going up too 165 pounds for my next goal, which i hope to complete by Christmas time. This and the facts that im going to get protein powder again since i haven’t taken it since the last time i weighed 150, and benching with my friends dan and evan soon, so its a goal i know i can reach. oh and once Christmas comes im getting gauges and probs my eye brow pierced, and school has been nothing short of amazing, so as of now, i am loving life and i hope nothing changes

Needless to say, the title says it all, and this year I already know I’m going to become someone else, and that’s the person who I really am. I’m someone who wants to get ALOT of piercings, gauges, tattoos , and I want to be different, because in my life that’s who…. That’s what I was, I wasn’t normal, I was “that one kid” and I realize that being different is a gift, and I have accepted that. I’m gonna do what I wanna do, and how I wanna do it. I wanna have piercings and tattoos, and I even wanna dye my hair brown again, because I don’t do any of this for attention, I do it because that’s me. And I love having freedom and expressing my self, and I’m done being in a shell, this isn’t the new me, it’s the old me. And if you don’t like it, than you can’t comprehend that transformation, though sometimes may be considered taboo, is really just Life at it’s Best.

You know, there really is nothing worse than holding onto the past, weather it be something someone did too you purposely or on accident, so to truly start this school year off new, anything anyone did to me in the past, and I mean anyone, I am no longer going to hold any problems I have with them, so there can truly be no weight at all on my shoulders.

I’m going into this school year starting 100% fresh. In other words, I’m totalIly free, I have no idea on what the hell might happen, anything that comes my way I will take up on that opportunity , and I have a clean slate. No more past, I’m looking forward towards the future. For my 12th grade senior year, there’s 3 things I want to accomplish. And they are, getting better grades, makings new friends and meting new people, and hopefully, finally find someone that I can have a long lasting relationship with. Honestly the only things I really care about are the first 2. But it wouldn’t hurt too finally find that person who would walk into my life, and who I could fully trust no matter what. 
   Too tell the truth, I can already tell this year is going to be filled with new experiences, from doing E-team to waiting too see who will be in my lunch period, and seeing old friends,  for once in my life, I can’t wait for school. I’m for once, ready to grab every chance life throws at me, and make the most out of it. 
   So too close this all up, My past year, well it’s been filled with so much drama and accomplishments. I went in and out of relationships, I learned what love really is, I got too see myself finally open up about my past and take off the weight that was on my shoulders. And that’s not close to the end of it.  Even when the times were good, or bad, this last year, I tried my hardest to make the best out of everything. And I know for a fact this year, I’m going to do the same…. You know, it’s strange how much someone can change in a year, but when I see my self In a mirror I see something I have never seen before. Last year if your were too ask me what I saw I would of said ” I see someone who has, no self confidence, no sense of direction in life, someone who is confused and a person who not just doesn’t believe in what he could do, but someone who wont believe in himself”. But after this year though, I now see a man who believes In himself, his choices in life, and a person who takes every chance too make his life better not just for him self, but for the friends and people around him.
I mean it when i say, my friends are the reason why I am who I am today. And if you are reading this, and even if u aren’t, I wanna thank you so much. 
   It really is times like these, that even with my past I consider myself lucky…. Even with the situations I once had to deal with, I overcame that, I tried my hardest and succeeded. Not everyone is as lucky. I have seen the dark side of life, not with just myself, but with other people as well, and to overcome any situation, you must first always over come yourself. And this year, that’s exactly what I did. 
   Everything that happened to me, happened for a reason. And if you can’t call that life, and if you can’t call that destiny, than I don’t know what is.

Its like everyone is upset because sometime they wanted didn’t go right, or they didn’t get there way. sorry to tell you, but all your doing is being a pussy. there’s no need to bitch about something that really in the long run, you did too yourself. god knows how many times i hear people saying how there always gonna be alone, or how they feel like nothing good happens too them. haha y’all gotta understand that u are never alone, open your fucking eyes , there’s always someone there, whether that be as a friend, or more. stop complaining and being upset and look in front of u for once, there’s always options in life, there’s always choices that can be taken, and if you Dont grab those opportunity’s, well you have no one to bitch too but yourself. i aint mad or something, just tired of seeing SO many people think this, and than there’s always the people saying “Oh i can never find the right person” or ” nothing i do, will make a difference”. well i am going to say this, u cant make a difference because all people like you do is live in the past and Dont understand that the only thing holding you back is yourself, sure some people may have had a bad history, god knows i have, but anything that happened in the past, wont always happen again, so please people, just stop thinking that. And for the other part, you cant find the right person in your life because you are constantly looking in the wrong places, if im wrong, please tell me, but the place you should be looking is either, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, or well actually its always in front of you, so im going to end this post by saying this, everyone just start to open your fucking “shut down denial thinking” eyes and start to understand, the things in life that will make you happy, are ALWAYS in front of you, and to live in the present and the future, let go of the past and stop bitching, who cares if you have been cheated on, used, played, or fucked over, its there fault, NOT YOURS, so live life, and stop sleeping and wake the fuck up. hopefully now, everyone who reads this, and i wish i could show everyone this, i hope they now know, its you who causes all your problems, insecurities, disbelief’s, and the so called “weight on your shoulders”. just face reality, look in front of you, open your eyes, wake up, and move on from the past, than you will finally be able to live life to its fullest potential. 

so earlier this summer, well like 4 weeks ago, after i ended my last relationship, my friend James told me something that has legit, become the best decision i have made this summer, and that’s too just stay single, and have fun and yolo it up. i went a good 5 months with being in multiple relationships. And honestly, this past month of freedom, has been amazing. No drama, no bullshit, im just having the time of my life, and doing what ever i want. having no obligations, and its the best thing ever. i don’t need no relationship with someone to make me happy, and for people that think they need one too be happy, well seek some help. cause in life, the simple things are what should make you the happiest. And i wanna thank my friend, because he made me realize that…so too sum this all up….SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE ;)